Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
