I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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