One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
