I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
