I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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