Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
