He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
