They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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