So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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