wakey wakey hands off snakey
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
