i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
