just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
