Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
