I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
