I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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