she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
