I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
