so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
