her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
