So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
