So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
