Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
