My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
