**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
