My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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