i would punch a child for taco bell
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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