So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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