I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
