please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
