I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
