Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
