Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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