Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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