R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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