I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
