Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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