I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
