I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
