my mouth tastes like poor choices
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
