I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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