I cockslap morals
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
