She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
