How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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