i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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