When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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