Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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