I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
