I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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