if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
