loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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