Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
