Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
