Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
