I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
